Hurple Hoopla

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Protect Yourself!

Since the American government will not stand up and admit the truth about the biggest problems facing the country today (no, not the economy, nor the Iraq War, nor Social Security woes, nor Bears (no matter what Stephen Colbert says)) it's up to each and every one of you to take it upon yourselves to prepare and be ready.

Yes, I am talking about the twin disasters that are looming large on the near horizon, Zombie Attacks and a Robot Uprising! I briefly mentioned them in my last post, which was about the President finally admitting that the third problem, an animal-human hybrid mutant army, actually exists. But, he still will not admit to the other two. Here's an example:

Reporter - What about zombie attacks? What are you doing to prepare the nation in case of zombie attacks?

President Bush - Huh?

Reporter - Or robot uprisings, what about that?

President Bush - Are you retarded or something?


So, because of the government complacency, it is up to you, yes you, to arm yourself with information and be ready for the day that these events will, not if... WILL occur.

You can start here (click cover to be transported to

and here:

After purchasing and perusing those tomes of invaluable knowledge, you, too, will be ready for the coming onslaught! Because knowing is half the battle! GO JOE!

Oh, and just in case you wake up tomorrow able to shoot laser beams from your eyes, or suddenly find yourself able to toss cars around like balloons, here's another useful tome:

The Government Manual For New Superheroes

Be prepared, America!


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